Am I the only one who feels like I don't get anything done all day? You may have the notion that I am quite productive here, but in actuality, I think I may have given a false impression. Some days I get discouraged, when I reflect on how much I used to get done, pre-COVID 19. I know I said all those sappy things yesterday about loving this new life, but today is one of those days where my fellow inmates (otherwise known as my four kids) are annoying me. So I am not feeling the love. All I can think about are all the projects I stopped suddenly, seven weeks ago, that are awaiting my attention. I walk by them every day, swearing to myself that I am going to get back to them, but never do. They were really exciting projects like filing, catching up on five years of backlogged photos, cleaning out all my bathroom drawers, and cleaning out the grooves of my wood floors with Q-tips (okay, that one is a joke, possibly). My kids used to attend school during the day, as did all the other children in this country. I accomplished a lot in those hours they were gone. Additionally, that was my only opportunity for any alone/quiet time in the house, which is any mother's sanity. That quiet time kept me from unraveling in the evening, during the bewitching hour, or at least it did, in theory. Now, although I am busy all day, I don't feel like I get anything done. The days are so unpredictable that any plans I make seem to go by the wayside. I don't know why I bother making the plans, to begin with, since the chances of my being able to keep them are abominably low. So instead of the above-mentioned projects have I intended to get back to for seven weeks, this is how I spend my day: Make many meals and many snacks; clean the kitchen constantly; vacuum the kitchen twice a day; help people remember which Zoom meetings they should be attending and at what time; nag and pester for constant updates on the status of school work throughout the day; try to amuse a bored 5-year-old for countless hours, often without success; do laundry; clean the house; pay bills (only when necessary); make business phone calls (only when necessary); and go to the market (once a week, if allowed). I agree, on the paper that sounds like a lot. It is a lot. Yet, each day, I don't know where my time goes. It just seems to disappear into thin air. I am busy, but I don't feel a sense of accomplishment. As I reflect on my feelings, I wonder why I consider organizing projects and office work to count for more than caring for the needs of other human beings? Maybe it's just today, because those human beings aren't very pleasant. Either way, it's an age-old question that many mothers (especially those who stay-at-home) grapple with. I think COVID 19 has created a stay-at-home mom atmosphere, on steroids. Yes, we agreed to have children and to care for those children, but not necessarily 24/7 for months-on-end, without any break. That's a bit much to ask, of any mortal mother. What happened to, It takes a village? There ain't no villages in the midst of a pandemic. I can attest to that!
The many boxes and mailing envelopes filled with thousands of photos awaiting my attention.
I made it as far as taking the candlesticks and flowers from the dining room table today, in the hope that I would start the photo project. That didn't happen. But that's more progress than I've made in 7 weeks. Maybe I'll be able to move the boxes to the table tomorrow, with any luck.
The filing is starting to pile up and give me anxiety.
This is just one of the offending bathroom drawers.
A bright spot in the day. Eggplant Parmesan, baked rather than fried, courtesy of Martha Stewart. Delicious!
Served with sauteed mushrooms and sauteed spinach.